Today was a good day, again. I seem to be having a string of them lately. I had to change my mentality, usually that’s all it takes to be happier. Life is not about what you’re given, but what you make of it. I’ve always said that, I’ve always believed it.You have to start by thinking about the things you’re thankful for. I believe it is what helps people in religion, being thankful is a very positive thing. If you start blaming things in your life for what goes wrong, you tend to forget all you have. Negativity breeds negativity, while positivity breeds positivity. It’s all in your thinking wether you are happy or not. If you keep waiting for the next thing to be happy, you will always be waiting. Find happiness in your current situation.
I have been super sore today, I’ve been doing my yoga, working physically around the house, and also exercising. My body hasn’t been used to doing so much in years. It feels great. I love the feeling of sore muscles because I know it means I’m getting stronger. Unless it’s a pulled muscle, then that just sucks. I thought of that because my best friend just pulled a muscle in her neck. She’s in tons of pain, and that pain is no fun at all!
My yoga pose today was Downward Facing Dog (Adho Mukha Svanasana). This is obviously a pose most people know or have tried. I like it as part of my practice, I kind of peddle my feet and stretch out my calves. I also will wag my tail or lean back and forth to stretch out my side body. I like to give myself a little room to play around with poses, do what feels best in my body that day. Today I couldn’t get a good photo inside, my bedroom is really small and I’m tired of the half cut off photos. I went outside and took some pictures at dusk. First I had Jobe take some, they were blurry. Then I had Elmer take a couple. They were also blurry, I don’t know what was wrong with my phone. I posted the best ones I found. Also one of Jobe running around me like a freak. It’s hard to do calm yoga around here. I have to get up at four am to get time to myself, that’s a little early for me. I used to get up at 5 to work out before everyone got up, but now I have dialysis at 6am so I would have to get up even earlier on those days. I did like having the house to myself at that time though, maybe I’ll try it on off dialysis days.
My writing prompt is about the recognition of the pose Downward Facing Dog, how everyone knows it to be a yoga pose. I was asked what I was best known for. I believe the thing I’m best known for is being sick. Or maybe for surviving, people always seem surprised about that, so they talk about it. I know family members I hardly know about at all, ask different members of my family about me. I didn’t realize that until I moved in with gram and she would be on the phone and would say, “Oh, she’s doing ok. Just got out of the hospital,” etc. etc. I would ask who she was talking to and it was often someone I hardly knew. People tend to ask others how I’m feeling, if I’ve been sick.
To clear the air, I’m always sick and no, I won’t get better. I don’t have cancer, I have Cystic Fibrosis. It’s a degenerative lung disease, meaning it slowly progresses and gets worse. Most often it ends with the person getting a lung transplant, or death. Our mucus is so sticky it gets stuck in our lungs and we get infections. Our lungs fill with mucus we can’t cough out, it feels a lot like pneumonia. We have frequent lung infections and our lungs get scared up and eventually we can’t get that lung function back.
Being known for being sick really isn’t a lot of fun. I’d rather not be known at all and be healthy. However, if spreading awareness for my disease helps raise money for it, therefore creating new medications and treatments for it, I will be known for this until the day I die. I want the children who are born now with CF to have a cure in their lifetime. I want the parents who find out their child has CF to not have it be a black cloud hanging over their head. I guess I don’t know what I’d rather be known for because I couldn’t imagine a life in which I wasn’t sick. I’ve been sick my whole life and don’t think I’d be close to the same person I am without having Cystic Fibrosis. It’s made me live life to the fullest, appreciate being alive, and it’s made me humble. I guess I would like to be known for my resilience, for staying positive in shitty situations, and bringing happiness to others. If it takes CF to make me that person, I guess I would take it every time.