Today was a tough day, I’m not sure what’s going on but I have been so dizzy. I slept most of the day. I hardly did anything, I barely even read because even that was making me sick to my stomach. I was up all night with stomach pains, my stomach felt like it was on fire. I hate talking about how awful I feel all the time. I actually kind of hate when people ask me, “how are you doing?” because I never have a fun answer for them. Unless I lie, which I’m not about either. So here we are, another day another whine ass post from me. It’s apparently what I do. Don’t worry, when I do feel well.. you’ll be the first to know.
Tonight was also spent again arguing through the door with my son about his money I’ve been saving for him. He wants it to buy a VR headset which kinds of negates the whole point of me saving it. I’m saving it to give to him after he graduates high school so he can hopefully go on a trip somewhere in the world, if we aren’t having a global pandemic at the time. I don’t get it, I don’t see him all day until it’s time for me to do something for myself. I saw him a little earlier tonight, he came and talked through the second part of gram and I’s movie we were watching.
Ok, today’s pose was Mountain Pose (Tadasana). I like Mountain Pose, it makes me feel powerful and strong. I route up through my feet and feel myself stand tall, like conquering a mountain. Especially if I do it as part or a salutation and then I raise my hands above me and get a nice full body stretch. I do enjoy yoga, even if I’m having to push myself through this challenge.
Tonight’s writing prompt is about a time I feel like I conquered a challenge and how it felt to stand at the top of that mountain. I thought about this all day. I don’t want to write another post about having a transplant, I just don’t. I’m over hearing myself talk about it for now. I also don’t feel like I’ve stood at the top of that mountain yet because every time I think I’ve almost made it, I realize there’s another mountain just around the corner.
What I’m going to tell you about is about the time I moved to Florida. I hated growing up in Maine, mostly I hated the winters and that there wasn’t really anything for us to do until they put a 24 hour Walmart thirty minutes from my home town and we drove there in the middle of the night and walked around. Yes, that was often my entertainment as a teen. How exciting. I talked for years about moving away, about how “this would be my last winter.” etc. The year I turned 22 I went to Florida for the yacht show with my friend who I worked with. Our work wouldn’t give us both the time off, so we quit to go on vacation. We had a blast, met a lot of cool people and decided we wanted to live there. When we got back from vacation, we packed our things, and got in our cars and drove down three weeks later. It was definitely a challenge. One my family didn’t think I should do because of my illness.
Most people didn’t trust a couple of 21 year olds to move to Florida and get on their feet. We had no jobs lined up, no place to live, not too much money saved, nothing. However, we were determined. My grandparents had plans to go to Florida a few weeks after we moved, so we decided it would be best for them to bring him down to me so we had a couple of weeks to get settled in. We had met one of my friends old college buddies when we went down on vacation and we were going to stay with her until we found a place. Well, we stayed with her for all of a few days and realized she was crazy. So we ended up in a motel for awhile. That didn’t deter us, because we were relentless. We went out and got jobs at our dream place. The place we had visited while on vacation. We found a killer deal on an apartment thanks to the real estate market fail the year before. Everything honestly turned out kind of perfect.
I remember my grandparents bringing my son down and seeing our apartment and the little downtown we lived in and felt so proud. I had been saying I wanted to live somewhere warm for years and I finally had done it. I didn’t rely on my family, I relied on myself and my wits to get a job and go apartment hunting. After I got my son down there I remember standing out on my little patio and looking at the sunset over the palm trees and I thought, “I did it. I actually did it!” It felt like a pipe dream had come true, it felt like if I put my mind to something I could accomplish anything. I felt powerful and strong, just as I do when I stand in Mountain Pose.