Tonight I was dreading making it to my mat. I spent part of my afternoon on my mat going through old art sketches and writings. This is where I feel I strive in life. I’m creative. I’m good at creating things. However, I’m not great at creating shapes with my body. I’m working on it. It’s so frustrating because I used to be really good at moving my body. I was little, but I was strong. Now I’m just little and weak. I can’t hold poses, I can’t do tons of push ups, or squats, or anything. It makes me feel inferior, inferior to the person I was before my transplant. The thing is, my lungs doh’t feel better than before I had my transplant either. Which makes it hard for me to push myself, I feel like I can’t breathe and my heart starts racing. I don’t feel healthy, I guess is the best way I can explain it. That is why this challenge is so important to me, I want to get stronger, I want to get healthier.
Let’s move on, tonight my pose was Hero Pose (Virasana). As I sat mostly in meditation I thought about all the people that are truly my hero’s. I could never pick just one person, but let’s just say I have to. We’ll get to that later. Firstly, I want to say why I have so many heroes. I have met so many doctors, nurses, respiratory therapists, physical therapists, CNA’s that truly put EVERYTHING into their job and often that has meant saving my life. I wish I could name everyone by name, but it would take me a very long time and I would still forget someone super amazing. So I want to say thank you to all of the healthcare professionals who have saved my life, taken care of me, and been a friend to me. I love you all, you are all heroes to me!
Can you all guess who is my hero? Because I’m going to be super cliche here.. it’s my mom.
Let me tell you why though, because some people just love their mom more than anyone and they win by default. However, my mom deserves the title. My gram honestly does too, she holds our family together like super glue. She taught my mom how to be the super hero she is. So while my mom is my super hero, I bet my grandma is my moms.
My mom is so strong. She is so strong and incredibly resilient. She lost her daughter, she has raised two sick children, two sons, and loved even more kids than were her own. She loved them as her own though. Here’s why she is so resilient and so strong. She still laughs, she still smiles. In fact, she’s one of the first people to do so. She dances and she sings and through everything she’s been through she still finds joy in this life. She has gone through what I can only assume is the hardest thing in this world, losing a child, but she still finds reasons to be happy. Not everyone can do that, but she can. She brings me joy every time I’m around her, when I’m so sad or angry at my situation she can make me smile. Her hugs have healed my heart, her warm hand in mine has kept me tethered to this life on multiple occasions, and her laugh has healed my soul.
I could go on forever about my mother, she has been through a million things people don’t even know about. She has worked her ass off later in life to get multiple degrees and she now deserves a break. I wish I could give her the world, but all I can give her are my words.
I love you mom, you are my true hero.