I was writing another post and something I wrote made me write this one. It was all part of one post but I went a little too far out on a tangent, so I decided to make it it's own post.. you can kind of see that it jumps around a bit, but I left all the nitty-gritty in there to make certain points.
Feminists are going to have a field day with my posts, but I’m explaining emotions here and they are not always P.C.
Damnit, so many people are going to hate my posts. K, Social Justice Warriors - suck it! The republicans, old people, and a lot of the liberals agree (myself included) - you whine too soon, before you understand. You are being coddled, life is not easy, life is not always fun, but you have to adapt and become stronger for it. If you understand, check again, if it’s still bad, ok.. say something. I’m trying to make a point using emotions, not politics.
To write so others understand emotions I HAVE to use generalizations. I have to, I cannot equate human emotions clearly without giving extremes and analogies. So bare with me.. I can be an asshole, but I am not going to be labeled as a racist, xenophobe, homophobe, sexist, etc. when I am not any of those things. I will stand up for myself because I think too many people allow themselves to be bullied by this crazy phase, and it’s completely unfair. There may be something I don’t understand or get wrong, but I am willing to learn, I am willing to be taught, I am willing to accept, I just have to understand. So if I say something that offends you, explain to me why and I will try to adapt.
Here we go:
Ok, I’m going to use gender biases here. Ugh, I can hear the mean-tweets now.. bare with me for a minute here and use my definition of female and male to dictate how someone feels, NOT how they were born. So when I say females are a certain way, or males are a certain way.. I am generalizing. Someone can be the extreme spectrum of either of these ideals and they do not have to identify with the gender I am assigning them. Again, you can be the outlier or maybe you don’t realize you are some of the things I’m generalizing.. either way, I’m just generalizing here and you do not have to fit into the box I am giving you.
Sometimes if we dislike generalizations, we have to defy them within the base we have been defined in. For example: I dislike being thought of as a dumb pretty girl - so I try to be intelligent. I am trying to change the stigma from within. I don’t bitch and complain that blondes get called dumb, or pretty girls get talked down to, I am changing the stereotype one day, one interaction at a time, one step at a time. I see it as a personal challenge and am making myself known to as many people as possible as the smart intellectual who is pretty, not the pretty girl who is smart. See what I’m doing there? Not only am I eliminated a shallow title from the way I am described, I am eliminated my gender pronoun all together. The only way you know my gender is based on how I act and dress, pretty defines certain things in most peoples mind. So you can assume I’m a female if you want, or you can assume I’m dainty and cute, with attractive features, who dresses in pretty clothing (the pretty clothing thing is wrong as I'm often in sweats and a tee). Either way, I have eliminated two negatives by defining how I want to be described and then fighting to change my description in everyone else’s mind as well.
Now that I have covered every one of my asses, and given you advice.. here’s a couple more I will address.. Women, hate making less than the man? Fight for more money, its often what they do.. Trust me, if you fight hard enough it won’t happen. If a woman shows how deserving she is, and takes down those who truly don’t believe women are equal, she will make as much or more as any man at her job. How do I know? Because I have always worked hard and gotten raises, and asked for raises, and worked my asses off to be deserving of those raises. I always made as much or more than most males I worked with. If I didn’t, I was big enough to admit it was because they were better. If they weren’t better, I figured out how to deal with that too. I left jobs I didn't like because I worked for sexiest assholes - both women and men. What I didn't do, was complain I was getting paid less. I worked harder to get paid more, or quit if I was being treated unfairly, and have even gotten legal counsel and gone that route when I had to.
I hate hearing disabled people being thought of as lazy or moochers, so I fight to change the stigma. This is a tough one because if you do too much, you can be viewed as someone who doesn’t need to be disabled - and so many people don’t need disability - but I believe at the times I have collected from the government or state, I really had no other option. My family doesn't have enough money for me to live off of them, they can help me, but they can’t support me. So I have worked when I was healthy enough, always. I have done other things to get me by when I could - crafts, yard sales, side jobs, etc. I don’t want to be thought of as someone who is lazy, so I do what someone would need to do to prove to me they weren’t lazy.
People with chronic illnesses hate of being thought of as weak? Show everyone how strong you are. This one is easier to break, because having a chronic disease forces you to be strong, if you are not strong you will not survive. I hate to say this, but often people with bad illnesses pass away because of their own lack of willpower. They couldn’t quit smoking, or eating, couldn’t force themselves to get the exercise they needed, or take the medication they needed to take. If you have the willpower to do everything in your power to make yourself better, you are strong. If you do all of that and you do not survive, well.. you were someone to look up to, you kept fighting when the odds were against you.. and you couldn’t win. If you have to die, at least have everyone around you saying that you gave it your best damn shot. Then you will be thought of as strong.
I will only comment on those stereotypes about people who are like me in some way, who have something in common with me. I can get on board with not criticizing people different with me, because perhaps I do not have empathy, and perhaps I do not know how to stand in their shoes.. but I actually believe I do have both of those things. and if you want to know how I grow, how I’m so strong, how I do it? These questions are asked over and over to me, it’s by being uncomfortable, its by being in pain, it’s by hurting, both emotionally and physically, It’s be asking tough questions and getting tough answers. It was not by having everything handed to me and having everyone protect me. To learn the true you, life has to get a lot more difficult than it is for many people. It has to get more difficult than as a mom I want it to be for my son, as a sister than I want it to for my brothers, as a daughter than I want it to for my parents. However, I cannot protect them, and social justice warriors, you cannot protect others. Don’t stand up for a different social group if they are not complaining, because that is saying they need your protection.. and I am damn well sure many of them do not.
So in my podcasts and in my blogs I will ask tough questions and write hard truths. I will write things you don't agree with and that is ok, only by discussing things we don't agree on can we begin to understand each other. I will do my best not to belittle anyone or make them feel badly, but I will talk openly about emotions and I will make some generalizations. I will get philosophical, and I will cause a phenomenon.