The Philosophical Phenomenon

Today was another good day. I’ve been staying off fb and my mental health has been so much improved! I went on a little bit earlier and liked some things and ignored anything negative. I don’t care what side it’s from, I skipped over it. I’m taking my advice from yesterday, no judgement, letting it go, staying sane. The last couple of days I have been working on a secret project. Nothing super exciting, but I’m not ready to share yet. Hopefully by early next week I can share.

Today was a tough day, I’m not sure what’s going on but I have been so dizzy. I slept most of the day. I hardly did anything, I barely even read because even that was making me sick to my stomach. I was up all night with stomach pains, my stomach felt like it was on fire. I hate talking about how awful I feel all the time. I actually kind of hate when people ask me, “how are you doing?” because I never have a fun answer for them. Unless I lie, which I’m not about either. So h

Well, yoga tonight was more of the same if not worse. All of a sudden during warrior pose I felt like I was going to pass out and I couldn’t breathe. I wasn’t doing any sun salutations or anything remotely challenging, nothing straining. I think my bloated belly was just pushing up on my lungs and I couldn’t breathe. So, I stopped. Unlike the day before I was ok with it. I also struggle with yoga and finding my breath, it’s so much about that that I feel like I’m doing it wro

Tonight was hard, really hard. I would have sworn this would get easier but maybe with my health problems that’s just not possible for me right now. I’m trying to do the easiest videos I can find. I often do night time “relaxing” flows, but even those I can’t make it through. After doing some cat-cows I basically sat on my mat trying not to cry. I’m usually not a crier, but since my dad passed away in November I feel like tears are so easy to come by. I know everyone says tea

When we are scared we have three reactions, fight, flight, or freeze. I’ve always been a fighter. I’ve always been stubborn and a know-it-all. I felt I had deserved the right to have control over my body, to make decisions over my body. I had spent my life asking questions and learning about my myself and my disease. Many times I have thought I knew more than the doctors taking care of me. I have always depended on myself to know what’s best for me, and I don’t often listen i

I always knew my physical body was just a vessel for my soul, carrying it, keeping it safe. I’ve often thought over the years how our consciousness is like an alien being attached to our human host; however, some of the human bodies we inhabit seem to work better than others. We can survive on this planet as an animal, as a human, but what about after our consciousness leaves our body behind? Will we no longer be bound by earthly things? Do we attach ourselves to some new bod

An invisible illness is one where people can’t see it. In this instance I’m not talking about mental illnesses - although they are very real for some people - I’m talking about a physical illness that is invisible. You may be curious as to how something can be both physical and invisible, but the truth is many people with life threatening, chronic diseases do not even look sick. Such as myself, if I want to look “normal” I can do so with very little effort. I may look tired o

Dec, 2017 Dear Jobe, This is a letter I’ve been meaning to write for years, I just couldn’t muster the courage. What does a young mother say to her young son when she knows she will die long before she should? What does anyone say to comfort you? I wonder what questions you have, I wonder what fears you’re hiding, I wonder what demons you’re facing. Sometimes we talk about these things and as you get older the conversations get progressively deeper. Your sense of life and dea

Fear can be a debilitating weakness or an incredible motivator. Each person has it in their power to choose which pathway they let their fear take. I don’t often let fear, emotion, or stress get in my way - I feel it, I acknowledged it, I push through it. As I write this I’m sitting in the hospital on a stretcher in the pre-op waiting room. The familiar sounds of a hospital surround me - which hospital is irrelevant, the similarities between them all are uncanny - the whirrin